


These Are the Lies

by MmeLutece



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Break Up, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 20:52:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7589839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MmeLutece/pseuds/MmeLutece
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon and Baz break up. As much as he would like to think he is, Simon is not over it.</p><p>Based on this prompt::: http://otpprompts.tumblr.com/post/146419707933/imagine-your-otp-relating-to-these-are-the-lies-by</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Are the Lies

**Author's Note:**

> This was written at, like, 2am when I could not sleep. XD oops

_La-la-la-la-lies._

_La-la-la-la-lies._

_La-la-la-la-lies._

_La-la-la-la-lies._  
         I don't love you, I don't need you.  
        I don't ever want to see you again.  
        'cause girl, I moved on and things are perfect.  
        I'm okay with us just being friends. 

 

Simon Snow sits by himself in his kitchen. Both the kitchen and he felt empty since Baz left, though he refused to acknowledge it. He convinced himself that he was fine, that he was angry, not sad and empty. He still talked to Baz, too, even though it hurt and the conversations were more or less ust bickering—like how they used to be when they were roomates in Watford. They still called themselves _friends._

 

 _'Cause I don't think about you every single night; I'll be fine without you._  
        Can sleep tight when I'm not beside you; I'm moving on.  
        No, I don't cry about you; never seen tears in my eyes about you.  
        Gonna be fine if I die without you; Baby, I'm gone. 

 

Simon goes to bed, his face wet with tears and sweat from the hot summer heat. Despite the heat, he still covers himself with the blankets of the bed that still smelled of _him_ and cuddles into the pillows.

He thinks of how Baz would always say they would die kissing each other. Then he thinks, _'Not anymore. I can die without you, thanks.'_ Again, he tries to convince himself he doesn't care, falling into an uneasy sleep.

 

 _These are the lies that I tell myself at night._  
        These are the lies that are keeping me alive.  
        These are the lies.  
        (La-la-la-la-lies. La-la-la-la-lies. La-la-la-la-lies lies.)  
        These are the lies.  
        (La-la-la-la-lies. La-la-la-la-lies. La-la-la-la-lies lies.)  
  
        I've got a new girl and she's my whole world,  
        And I don't care if you're not sleeping alone.  
        'cause life is so good; I'm doing so good.  
        Don't spend hours sitting here by the phone.

 

Simon told himself he did not need Baz so many times that he started to even believe it was true. It fueled a temper that kept him going—kept him _alive_.

Eventually Simon ended up in something of a fling with a girl—Sansa--that Penny introduced him to. They laughed, held hands, kissed. Simon thought it was something real, that he was happy with Sansa.

He still found himself checking his phone to see if maybe Baz had tried to contact him—hoping, even—and he wasn't sure why at that time.

 

_These are the lies..._

_These are the lies..._

_These are the lies..._

_'cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it._  
        Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you.  
        'cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it.  
        Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you.  
        'cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it.  
        Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you.  
        'cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it.  
        Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you. 

 

It was clear to Simon after a conversation with Penny and a split up with Sansa (which ended with a heated argument) that he was not over Baz. Penny had seen how much he had cried after the break up...and still as time went on. Baz clearly meant a lot to Simon. They were like two parts of a whole, Penny thought, and Simon lashed out as an emotional outlet.

He was never good with expressing feelings.

Penny suggests calling Baz to get together and talk. Simon thinks on it and eventually does.

Simon and Baz both sound broken and exhausted as they talk on the phone. Simon feels guilt rise up to his throat. He asks to meet Baz for coffee and, after a too-long silence, agrees.

Simon smiles and breathes with relief. Maybe things would be okay.

Maybe he could carry on again.

 


End file.
